KICKIN VALENTINA – Imaginary Creatures

Kickin Valentina, in a better vanished time—say 1987—would be riding their second album Imaginary Creatures to Arena Rock stardom. The album would produce two top twenty singles, “Turns Me On”, a gut-punch rocker grabbing the attention of Metal and mullet-heads everywhere, and “Crazy”, whose lyrics will be scrawled into notebooks and on skin by their teenage girlfriends. The album would produce two more video-supported singles that will miss the top twenty, but will cement the band’s image as fun-lovin’, hard drinkin’ Sleaze Rock ne’er-do-wells. Sing-along “Street” would have a video with the band (they’re trailer) cavorting up and down the Sunset Strip with a bevy of savvy but un-ironically gorgeous girls (they’re street), while their cover of the Elvis classic “Burning Love” would be promoted with a sweaty jump cut live action on-stage video with fan tops coming up and band members falling down.

Additional press would follow after singer Joe Edwards becomes embroiled in feuds with not only Axl Rose and Vince Neil, but also with Blackie Lawless after a brief backstage dust-up resulting in bruised knuckles and bruised egos. All is forgiven when Heber Pampillon and crew bring a case of JD and the cast of “Street” to a pool party at Chris Holmes’s place. KV’s elevated profile, bolstered by great material, a series of scorching live performances, and Edward’s throaty rasp, lands the band a spot on the U.S. leg of the AC/DC tour and also a fill-in slot on the U.S. Monsters of Rock tour when laryngitis forces Kingdom Come to the sidelines.

After a grueling schedule filled with ever-increasing band tensions and an uneven but exciting live EP, the Rock world holds its collective breath as Kickin Valentina enter the studio to record their eagerly anticipated third album, rumored to be a double. Sadly, it is 2017 and not 1987, so will the Rock world of today even care that Kickin Valentina has recorded the best Hard Rock album of the year in Imaginary Creatures? Tomorrow never knows. Pass the Jack, because it should.

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