SPIT LIKE THIS – Scary Tales: The Collection

Can you remember the 80s with Poison, Cinderella, Mötley Crüe, and all those famous, glamorous heroes that all loved back then? Now, when you now put one of those CDs into your player in a nostalgic mood, trying to recap the feeling, it makes you realize that you cannot go back in time. Here, however, is a band that wants to follow the lead of those MFers (yeah, that’s the real scene talk, let’s swear like Vince Neil!) and to become the resurrection of that era. There may be a discussion if it needs any resurrection in the first place, but better to set that aside for the moment and start with the facts:

The guys are extremely funny … at least they think so. They are highly original… they think. And, they have hilarious aliases like Vicky Spit and The Boner. Can you still read on, or do you have to take a break so you can catch your breath?

It gets better: They describe their style as “Slutty music for slutty people.” You always wanted to be called slutty, right? But, how is the music? Well: Sleazy, glammy, funky, punky Rock ’n’ Roll that you may only be able to endure in a very drunken state… or if your real name is Dick Hardon or Vagina Blow — or something like that.

You have to admit that they do really show variation in their songwriting, only they did not find the style yet that they actually CAN make work. From hard riffing tracks like “Obscene (But Not Heard)” to very common rockers with a bored brass band, like “Rebel Lover,” they tried and failed; from the return of the bored brass band in funky, erratic “Who Needs You,” to the slow five-minute sleeping pill-like “Someday,” which makes you consider doing things suggested in Weird Al Yankovic songs, they just did not manage.

Other songs have their problems too: incredibly cheesy keyboards in “To The Bitter Ende” (mark the added e, how cool is that, baby? Let’s go to my place …) with its general lack of inspiration; or the scratchy, rappy, partly acoustic “Trust Your Instincts,” which is chased by angry ghosts of the Rocky Horror Picture Show; or “Dragged Kicking And Screaming,” which starts with an almost unbearable children’s chant, and then gets worse. Then there is “(I Feel So) Vindicated,” which is over 4.39 long, and is fine, except for the first 4.38 minutes.

One song has to be mentioned which works: “Not Dead Yet” is straight Punk Rock, and that they do all right. It’s just that Punk does not get you laid, or at least not by the type of super-blonde Hollywood-stalking stiletto wearing man devours.

Overall, this is a band that has not found its style yet, with a singer who is not too bad — which means he is also not too good. You don’t need a good singer to make it in this genre — Mötley Crüe proved that, but it sure doesn’t hurt. The rest of the musicians seem to be okay for what they do, but these guys just are not good songwriters.

But, feel please do check it out for yourself!