BABYLON MYSTERY ORCHESTRA – The Great Apostasy

Music for dinner: Just imagine coming home from work hungering for your wife’s love and a tasty dinner she has fixed with her own hands. Yummy!

But, all you’ll find is a CD by Babylon Mystery Orchestra, called The Great Apostasy, on your porch. Your wife is out with friends and left no food in the fridge. No reason to freak out.

“Wait a minute, I got this CD. Well f#$k it then, I’ll open a can of beer and turn up my stereo.” Minutes later (if you made it actually that far), you’ll turn it off with your fist!

A description, sent with the CD, promises Progressive Doom Metal. Walking is progress, running away is also. You might count Morgana Lefay or Funeral as Doom Metal, but those guys can play. Babylon Mystery Orchestra – The Great Apostasy offers you about three riffs, lots of poor drum computing, solos that hurt, and a “dynamic” pace that makes you wanna drool on the carpet.

Most striking is the subtitle of this long player: “Conspiracy Of Satanic Christianity” – Oh Christ, Satan… please help!

The first song, “Holy Ghost,” lasts for more than six minutes, and after the first 60 seconds you might ask yourself: “Why?” The chorus is just annoying and repeats the same words “whoooooly ghooooost, whooooly ghooooost” over and over again.

The lyrical variety, especially praised by the artists Web site, referring to Voltaire and other greats, is simply non-existent. Quote: “Holy ghost is at your door. Fear no flame for it bears the name the new king’s ambassador, drunks, confused.”

And where the hell is the Orchestra? Does a drum computer, a singer, and a guitarist (combined in the person of “bandleader” Sidney Allen Johnson) make an Orchestra? No! By the second song, “Pentecost,” you might be hungering for a solo, because in the first one there is none. The positive: There is one in this track. The negative: Well, it’s not played on point at all. Kick the stereo — time to freak out now!!!

But actually, neither the music nor the lyrics are the worst parts: The already mentioned head of the Orchestra, Sidney Allen Johnson, made up his mind on a few booklet pages: “I believe that God gave us the gift of sexuality, so that we might express with our bodies the love that’s in our heart, experienced that with my partner.” Who cares? Well, dude you are referring to Voltaire or Aristotle? That’s not even Henry Miller (famous porn author).

Do not buy this one… but, if you did and made it to song number three, write a mail to [email protected] to explain why…